“I think this would be a good time for a beer.”
– Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1933, upon the end of the Prohibition
“He was a wise man who invented beer.”
– Plato
“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
– Jack Handy
“And there are few things in this life so revolting as sipped beer. But let it go down your throat ‘as suds go down the drain,’ and you will quickly realize that this is a true friend, to be admitted to your most secret counsels. Long draughts with an open throat are the secret.”
– Maurice Healy, 1940
“Of Doctors and medicines we have in plenty more than enough … what you may, for the Love of God, send is some large quantity of beer.”
– Dispatch from the Colony, New South Wales, 1854
“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.”
– Henry Lawson
“I use no porter or cheese in my family, but such as is made in America; both these articles may now be purchased of an excellent quality.”
– George Washington, 1789
“Beer that is not drunk had missed its vocation.”
– Meyer Breslau, 1880
“A glass of bitter beer or pale ale, taken with the principal meal of the day, does more good and less harm than any medicine the physician can prescribe.”
– Dr. S. Carpenter, 1750
“No soldier can properly fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.”
– Duke of Marlborough
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with the fools he must come in contact with every day.”
– Ernest Hemingway
“Beer was not made to be moralized about, but to be drunk.”
– Theodore Maynard
“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”
– W.C. Fields
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
– Henny Youngman
“There is nothing which has yet been contributed by man, by which so much happiness is produced as a good tavern or inn.”
– Samuel Johnson
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”
– Stephen Wright
“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!”
– Brian O’Rourke
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
– Frank Sinatra
“He who has not been at a tavern knows not what a paradise it is.”
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”
– Ernest Hemingway
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
– Henny Youngman
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
– Dave Barry
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
– Dean Martin
“Work is the curse of the drinking class.”
– Oscar Wilde
“If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.”
– Jack Handy
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
– Ernest Hemingway
“There can’t be good living where there is not good drinking.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.”
– Ernest Hemmingway
“We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old.”
– Martin Luther
“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
– Homer Simpson
“Alright brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, so just get me through this exam so I can go back to killing you slowly with beer.”
– Homer Simpson
